Into The Shining Sun
The toughest thing for a phoenix to do is to fly from the fire.
Hello, my buddies and beauties. Miss Dee Jay here.
It is currently Saturday, the 31st of January, 2026. It’s been a pretty rough time. The dark, rotting underbelly of America has been shown in stark relief in the last couple of weeks, in so many ways. What does one do when moms and nurses are executed in the streets by their own government? Even worse, when the shocking depravity of those in power is literally flaunted in our faces?
Something is rotten in the States of America, my friends.
In the face of this, I am left with a question that seems almost absurd, a question I encountered a week or two ago on the Fediverse.
"A request - please reply to this post with a song that evokes hope in your spirit."
It’s a difficult time; it’s the sort of time that needs music to lift the soul, even as the world would descend into this madness. My psyche can only focus on doing one impossible thing at a time, and I feel like I’m trying to juggle several. So in response, I gave my thoughts, gave a few answers… recommended "This May Be The Time to Close Your Eyes", among several others. Among those others… it’s time to talk about one of my favorite songs, from a band that I will certainly mention again at some point, and to acknowledge what transitioning is all about, because in order to understand what we might find uplifting, we need to explore the depths we came from.
Trans people are phoenixes. With only a few exceptions, we are born in fire, and we must rise from fire to be reborn. From the beginning, we are immolating from a body that doesn’t fit. Burning to death from a life that doesn’t fit. Clothes branding us, betraying us, more fuel for the blaze. Sometimes it’s a light smouldering, a soft itching under the skin. Other times the inferno raged around us, so hot I felt like ripping my skin off. While not every trans person experiences dysphoria to that extent, we all know what it is like to be in the fire: to try to survive, but to never truly live.
What this means, in terms of uplifting music for a trans person, is that it oftentimes starts from the bottom. Trans people almost always start from the absolute depths; for so many of us, it is quite literally transition or die. Those of us that made it are grateful for our lives, but we know just how many didn't make it.
The toughest thing for a phoenix to do is to fly from the fire.
Where were you when I was burned and broken?
While the days slipped by from my window, watching
And where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless?
‘Cause the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else’s words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun
Pink Floyd's "Coming Back To Life", from their 1994 album, The Division Bell, is perhaps a little too close to the trans experience. We've been burned and broken from being trans; we've been hurt and helpless. And we've also watched as those we loved believed someone else's words, believed the lies and slanders told of trans people, that we deserve to burn, that it's right for us to burn... lies told so often that sometimes we find ourselves believing them.
This is the fire we must fly out of.
But when we finally break through the flames... it is absolutely glorious. There is apprehension at first, uncertainty, but eventually we know... this is something we need to do. This is our life we needed to save.
And it is amazing how it feels when we burst from the fire, spread our wings, and fly.
Lost in thought and lost in time
While the seeds of life and the seeds of change were planted
Outside, the rain fell dark and slow
While I pondered on this dangerous but irresistible pastime
I took a heavenly ride through our silence
I knew the moment had arrived
For killing the past and coming back to life
The moment that sticks with me with this song... a bike ride, 2022, just a couple months after publicly coming out. I'd started early in the morning, before 6 AM, as the first predawn glows announced themselves into the sky. I had a headphone in one ear, playing my music while still staying safe. And... I started going east. As I rode, as I made my way, the glow steadily grew, intensified, until the sunrise finally peeked from the horizon. I marveled at the absolute beauty of the moment, the sheer purity of the moment.
And it was at this point that my phone started playing "Coming Back To Life", and I started crying with joy. I'd come so far by this point, gone through things that should have killed me, that nearly did kill me. And yet, here I was, finally thriving as a woman, finally living the life I was supposed to.
Heading straight into the shining sun.
"Coming Back to Life" by Pink Floyd, from their album The Division Bell. Song written by David Gilmour.
Pink Floyd is one of those bands I could devote multiple sessions to. From Dark Side of the Moon to Wish You Were Here to The Wall to A Momentary Lapse of Reason to The Division Bell, Pink Floyd produced amazing music that speaks to the mismatch between individual and society, how a person fits into the dystopias we live in, what it feels like when the dystopias crush us, and what it feels like when we can finally escape, can finally spread our wings and fly. "Coming Back To Life" was just one of the last in a long line of musical poetry, and we will almost certainly explore more of their work over time.
Until then, my friends, be well and take care, and head straight for the shining sun.
Just a small note... the Fedi link I posted early in the post? I strongly suggest opening it and looking through the music there. We all could use hope in these times.
